is this real life

funny change of events.

where did you come from?

go team!

nothing like rappin with an old friend/coach to bring a little ray of sunshine into your life.

positive  flow!

hot hot heat

i'm melting.  what the heck am i still doing here?

girls rule boys drool

this post is going out to 2 of my favorite moms.  ERICA WILLIAMS and LAURA FLAGLER.

i have been spending a lot of time with these ladies and we are all single moms with 2 boys.  i'm loving my time with them.  they are both very strong independent women who take such good care of their kids...and believe you me, having boys aint easy.

so ladies.  hats off to you (and me)  we are all doing a great job at being moms!!!

thank you for being great examples too.

another day, another dollar

this too shall pass

sadness is turning into anger.

thank god for good friends.

.....

Hibernation is a state of inactivity and metabolic depression in animals, characterized by lower body temperature, slower breathing, and lower metabolic rate. Hibernating animals conserve food, especially during winter when food supplies are limited, tapping energy reserves, body fat, at a slow rate. It is the animal's slowed metabolic rate which leads to a reduction in body temperature and not the other way around.

couch surfing

there aint nothing that can cheer you up better than waking up to cute little 4 year  old coen cuddled up next to you on the couch in the morning. 



:)

temper tantrums

i am going to count to 10 and breathe before i react

i am going to say 1 nice thing to myself in the mirror

i am going to tackle 3 goals daily

i am going to establish a workout routine

i am going to make amends with enemies

i am gonna say what i mean and mean what i say

i am going to be a better mom

i am not going to judge myself

i am not going to be lazy

i am going to reconnect with socks

i am going to play music again

i am going to not gossip

i am going to meditate

these are things i know i can do.  these are things i know i HAVE to do.  i came to a really ugly reality and that was myself.  i do not like the way i am sometimes and i want to change....i do know that i have a lot of good qualities about me.  i love how open i am.  i love how understanding i am.  i love my humor.  i love my sense of rhythm.  i love my laid backness.  but i wanna be better.

i promise, my blogging won't always be about this break-up.  i'm actually getting over it....little by little.  soon you'll be hearing about something else....something new. 

word of the day!

INTEGRITY

i am practicing this one all day.  i already passed the test too.  proud of ya jenc.

other than that?  HAPPY FATHERS DAY!

i don't like it like this

Words fail me all the time
I don't even feel like talking
Still i go on and on
I'm dying here and you keep walking

Why are you asking me this?
Can't you see i'm trying?
I don't like it like this
No i think i'm dying

I can't calm down at all
Panic is what panic feels like
Can't we just stay silent?
Speaking now seems far too violent

Why are you asking me this?
Can't you see i'm trying?
I don't like it like this
No i think i'm dying

actions not words

so....break ups suck.  they suck soooo bad.  soo bad that you think "why do i even ever fall in love?"  but love is awesome.  love is amazing.  so, where's the balance in it all.

i am in the middle of one of the biggest heartaches i have ever felt.  going through every emotion in the book.  anger, depression, madness, sadness, inspiration, nostalgia, pissed, losing my mind....but i am finally starting to even out.

OF COURSE the first days after the break up i went C R A Z Y!!!!  hello bar!  hello drinks!  hello old habits!

i think....don't judge yourself....everyone grieves different.....but then a good friend meets with me....and really put it all into perspective.  (love you j)

so....today starts me day.  i am going to pick a quality/word everyday and work on that.  today starts RESPONSIBILITY

i'm going to follow through with every single thing i am responsible for.  i'm going to push myself.  i'm going to hibernate for awhile and meditate and really dive down into my soul to see what i'm really made of.  i'm going to do things that i wouldn't normally do or think scary.  i'm going to WORKOUT!  i'm going to journal personally and on here.

but guess what......?

actions not words.

aunt donna and acupuncture

god damn.  what a day.  sometimes i think....is this really happening.  you have four eyes.

so, i walk by cute brick houses and think.....OH GEE.....GREAT PLACE FOR A YO g ....a s t u d i ah man

those days are over for me.  shit.  now what.

and other times i'm like YA, I'M GONNA DO EH BEE AND CEE and get shit done.....i'm awesome.

i'm so gemini right now and i'm a capricorn.

well, there's always tomorrow.  actually....tomorrow is gonna be a great day.  fake it till you make it!  :)

sprinklers on my legs

let's talk about my bike.

i love my bike.

i love the freedom that i feel.

i love night riding down central.

it's becoming one of the only things that actually zens me out anymore (and i really need it right now)

i just love my bike.

baby did

35 years and my life is still Trying to get up that great big hill of hope For a destination I realized quickly when I knew I should That the whole world's MADE UP OF this brotherhood of man FOR whatever that means And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed Just to get it all out, what's in my head And I, I am feeling a little peculiar And so I wake in the morning and I step outside And I take A deep breath and I get real high And I scream from the top of my lungs, What's goin' on And I say hey.... hey.... I said hey, what's goin' on And I say hey.... hey.... I said hey, what's goin' on Ooh, Ooh, Oooohh, Oooohh, what's up... Ooh, Ooh, Oooohh, Oooohh, what's up... And I try, oh my God, do I try I try all the time in this institution And I pray, oh my God, do I pray I pray every single day FOR A REVOLUTION! And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed Just to get it all out, what's in my head And I, I am feeling a little peculiar And so I wake in the morning and I step outside And I take deep breath and I get real high And I scream from the top of my lungs, WHAT'S GOIN' ON!! And I say hey.... hey.... I said hey, what's goin' on And I say hey.... hey.... I said hey, what's goin' on And I say hey.... hey.... I said hey, what's goin' on And I say hey.... hey.... I said hey, what's goin' on Ooh, Ooh, Oooohh, Oooohh, what's up... 35 years and my life is still Trying to get up that great big hill of hope For a destination

intelligentsia

i don't think i'll ever drink you the same....or drink you at all.

the only sparks i wanna know are the ones who come in a can and taste like cough syrup.

broken.

pumpkin eyes

i'm going to try to do this everyday.  don't have much to say yet except..GOD DAMNIT!

i need to re-learn how to crossword puzzle again.

hair dressers and highschool

initially, this was a blog i started to catapult a zine that i wanted to do with my girlfriend of 2 years.  i thought the name was clever and she is really into sustainability.  i thought together this would be an amazing journey to not only better ourselves but better mother earth.  i was so excited.  the big picture was financial freedom doing something we loved.  


so, what happens?


we broke up.  today actually.  


what's even weirder is i took a 3 hour reiki/yoga workshop yesterday....felt awesome (side note:  i do not do yoga ever...i thought i'd try it out and since my gir....ah, ex-girlfriend owns a yoga studio i thought, what the hell)


where was i?  oh ya, reiki/yoga workshop.  it was FANTASTIC.  i learned how to self heal with the energy of my hands...finally found my 3rd eye (i think) it was purple....does that mean anything?  learned some great tips to live by.  want to know them?  


it starts out:


JUST FOR TODAY
. do not anger
JUST FOR TODAY
. do not worry
JUST FOR TODAY
.be grateful
JUST FOR TODAY
.do work with integrity
JUST FOR TODAY
. show love and respect for every living being


i thought that this sounded easy enough.  if i just took one a day and applied it to my life, maybe i'll finally get there.  be on the same evolved level as my (her name is kami..girlfriend) so on the same level as kami.  


FACEBOOK STATUS today reads....anyone?  JUST FOR TODAY do not anger.


...


.


....
.




yep.  that's right.  just for today.  the day kami and i break up.  so, what did i do to NOT anger.  it was hard, believe you me.  i meditated.  i sat there and because i've got a bad case of the a.d.d's i just counted my breath so that my mind wouldn't wonder.  i also tried out my self reiki tips that i had learned the previous day.  


so the moral of the story is:  i like the name of this blog.  i'm gonna keep it and make it my own.  today is the first day of the rest of my life.  follow my journey.  i promise you, it'll keep you interested.